Where was I? Oh, yes – her chromosomes are perfect!!!
Eddie and I were on the seventh day of waiting. The night before, I had several dreams about getting the results. Sometimes the results were good and sometimes they just wouldn’t get around to giving me the results. Conversation delayed the results and I would become more and more frustrated. But in every single dream, it was a girl.
Eddie was on a lunch break and I was telling him that I was going to call the genetic counselor, just to let him know that he can call us the moment he gets the results. Really. Even if he’s about to go on lunch, we won’t keep him. We know what the results mean, no matter which way they go. He can just blurt it out and hang up. We won’t have any questions. We know what to expect. Just wanted to give the genetic counselor a little nudge and let him know that we will be his easiest call of the day. Eddie was trying to convince me that he knows how important this stuff is to people and that he’ll call as soon as the results come in.
Then Eddie headed back to his office to get back to work, and the phone rang. I just stared at it for a few seconds. Here it was – the results call. And part of me did not want to pick up the phone. I also expected it to be an appointment confirmation (but I don’t have any upcoming appointments!) or maybe they were calling the wrong patient (unlikely). Or maybe they were calling because they didn’t have enough material for the test. I figured it could be a number of things, but certainly not the results. Yes, all of these things went through my head before I picked up the phone and heard him say, “I’m calling with the results of your CVS. I have good news for you.”
I sprinted down the hall and nearly broke down the door to Eddie’s office. The doorknob just seemed to to be in the way, but I successfully navigated it without causing damage. I wanted him to be able to hear the results with me. I put the genetic counselor on speaker and said, “We’re ready.” He said, “There were no rearrangements, deletions, duplications, or translocations. I can tell you the gender, if you wish.” And that’s when my knees turned to Jell-O. “Ye- yes. We want to know the gender.” And he said, “They saw two X chromosomes – the baby is a girl.” Eddie was holding me up at this point. We thanked the genetic counselor, hung up, and lost it. Every bit of hesitation when it came to this pregnancy faded away. We were instantly overwhelmed. Our dog, Max, was watching us – smiling and wagging his tail calmly. Even he was happy.
Then I made the phone calls. And the Facebook announcement. And then I had to find a way to calm down and get ready for the massage I had scheduled, expecting to still be waiting for the results at that point. While I was waiting for my appointment, I updated the blog – short and sweet, but it said everything that needed to be said. Her chromosomes are perfect.
Her! It’s a girl! I was so sure Ben was going to be a girl that when we saw the word “BOY!” I actually read it as “GIRL!” When we found out Ben’s gender, Eddie and I had the ultrasound tech put the gender in an envelope, which we then took to the beach. We walked down to the water, anticipation building, and opened the envelope. Images flooded my mind of all the things I wanted for him, the person he could become. I was in love. A son. I was going to have a son.
It was different this time, of course. People always say they hope the baby is healthy, and of course I said that with Ben. But it carried so much more weight this time. And we did figure that, considering the fact that we are fully stocked and ready for a boy, of course she would be a girl.
The last week or so has been full of many deep breaths, dreaming up nursery plans, and perusing baby dresses at the store. Feeling her move brings a smile to my face instead of fear in my heart. Bit by bit, my guard is coming down. It feels awful to say that, but it’s true. After an experience like what we’ve had, you can’t help but feel the need to try and protect yourself from that kind of heartbreak. It’s involuntary. It’s the honest truth.
Yes, a pregnancy can still go wrong. We’re a little shy of only 16 weeks. But nothing is expected. We are, once again, on the normal pregnancy path. And it feels great.
Her name is Paisley Loren, and she has an angel for a brother.